Power Abuse

 Boundaries and Consent Violations ( Abuse of Power and Spiritual Abuse & Neglect)

Do you feel you have been controlled, oppressed, dominated, shut down, blamed at even you can’t clearly define and recall specific hurtful memory or incident? Or you have experienced systemic oppression because of abuse of power either by domineering parent, partner, boss, coworker, coach, doctor, pastor, spiritual leader, your workplace or country without ability to communicate your limits and even notice the violations of your boundaries. 

Power abuse, developed from Patriarchal Systemic Oppression, can show up at your work place, spiritual community, place of learning, your family, your relationship, doctor office, sports organizations, your ethnic groups. It can show up as verbal abuse, verbal harassment, bullying, sexual harassment, sexual abuse, emotional abuse, physical abuse and microagressison. It is a place where your human dignity and human rights are taken away by man or woman or system of privileged power ( government, colonialism, patriarchal law system, church, etc ).

What goes with abuse of power is your boundaries and consent violations and deep moral and emotional injury, physical as well.

Power abuse is often hidden from society and it is accepted in the place where it is happening. Silently accepted. Those places are usually Patriarchal structured and abuse is systemic. Having said that, power abuse can happen from domineering women as well. 

Feeling less, feeling small, feeling guilty and blamed at, feeling oppressed, feeling unsafe, feeling humiliated and shamed. From the moment you enter in power abuse dynamic you learn you can’t express and live your truth without being conditioned by “someone above” and it feels unsafe to speak up.  Not being able to say No, not even knowing what boundaries are and getting along with something what is unpleasant to being physically injured are very common symptoms of someone who experienced abuse of power. 

Being in minority of any kind, sexual orientation, ethnicity, religion, skin color, immigration status, social status minority, work hierarchy, patriarchal structured homes can increase exposure to abuse of power.

Genocides, forced assimilation, residential schools, slavery, extortions camps are examples of direct tyranny and abuse of power by the governing system. 

Spiritual abuse, neglect, and betrayal lie in their underlying dynamics and manifestations within the context of spiritual communities:

1. Spiritual Abuse:
   • Spiritual abuse involves the misuse of spiritual beliefs, practices, or positions of authority to manipulate, control, or harm individuals.
   • It can encompass various forms of abuse, including psychological, emotional, physical, and sexual abuse, as well as exploitation and manipulation.
   • Examples of spiritual abuse may include coercive persuasion, gaslighting, authoritarian leadership, and the imposition of harmful or restrictive practices.
2. Spiritual Neglect:
   • Spiritual neglect refers to a failure or omission to provide for the spiritual well-being and needs of individuals within a spiritual community.
   • It can manifest as a lack of support, guidance, or resources for spiritual growth and development.
   • Spiritual neglect may involve leaders or communities failing to address participants’ spiritual concerns, ignoring boundaries, or withholding essential resources or support.
3. Betrayal in Spiritual Communities:
   • Betrayal in spiritual communities occurs when individuals experience a breach of trust or loyalty within their spiritual or religious community.
   • It may involve leaders or members acting in ways that violate ethical, moral, or spiritual principles, leading to feelings of betrayal, disillusionment, or hurt.
   • Betrayal can take various forms, such as deception, manipulation, exploitation, or abandonment, and may result in profound emotional and spiritual distress for those affected.

While spiritual abuse involves active harm or manipulation, spiritual neglect pertains to a lack of support or provision for spiritual well-being, and betrayal in spiritual communities involves a breach of trust or loyalty. Each of these phenomena can have significant impacts on individuals’ emotional, psychological, and spiritual health within the context of spiritual communities.

Behavior indicative of spiritual neglect abuse can include:

1. Ignoring participants’ boundaries or consent: Leaders who disregard participants’ boundaries or consent may be engaging in spiritual neglect abuse, failing to respect their autonomy and dignity.
2. Withholding essential resources or support: Neglectful leaders may fail to provide participants with necessary resources, support, or information, leaving them vulnerable and unsupported in their spiritual journey. Dismissing a freedom and choice to tend to your own body needs, time to rest, or taking away your sources of safety such is having a cell phone to reach out to your support system or shaming your needs in any way is spiritual neglect/abuse.
3. Dismissing or minimizing concerns: Leaders who dismiss or minimize participants’ concerns or experiences may be perpetuating a culture of silence and invalidation, discouraging individuals from speaking out against abuse or seeking help.
4. Prioritizing the leader’s agenda over participants’ well-being: Neglectful leaders may prioritize their own interests, agenda, or reputation over the well-being of participants, disregarding their needs and safety.

To address spiritual abuse and neglect in workshops and retreats, it is essential to create a trauma-informed environment where participants feel safe, empowered, and supported. This involves educating leaders and participants about the dynamics of abuse and trauma, establishing clear guidelines and accountability mechanisms, fostering a culture of safety and trust, and providing resources and support for survivors.

Abuse of power, can also be more subtle. How often you listen and lived by this : “Don’t be so smart, people don’t like it”. “Don’t stick out”. ” He/she is a spiritual leader, he healed many“,  Don’t speak up, just smile”. “ You should be seen, not heard”, “ Don’t wear this you look like a slut”. “That? You look like a nun.”, ” You look good. You lost a weight.” , “ You look to skinny, you don’t look like a women.”, “Don’t make more money, he won’t like it”,  “ What will family say?”. “What will neighbours say”, “Boys don’t cry.”,  “ Compose yourself, you are hysterical”, “ You are too happy, what is wrong with you?” , “Don’t dim his/her light, it is not fair.”, “ Don’t make him feel less, it will not be good for your career.”, ” Respect elders, be quite”,  “Take his last name, it is a tradition”, “This is how we do in our family”,  “ This is our tradition, and you need to respect it”, “ Why are you so sure of your self?”, ” What do you need now?”, “You are not evolved/spiritual enough!”

Not big T trauma right?, but this is what defines deep layers of oppressive conditioning and this subtle blaming and subtle covert threats is an environment where our nervous system goes into a flight, fight or freeze state and it is how we move to trauma and pain bodies. Done in our families, our society, religion, countries, workplace, neighbourhood, done collectively, in a form of man and woman as well for thousands of years . It is collective, ancestral inherited trauma transferred down to your DNA and it is your individual trauma.